Something has been on my mind a lot lately, not just my mind but my body. I am over weight...I am obese. I am 309 lbs of ick. Yesterday something came to my mind. Is my over eating and unhealthy lifestyle a sin? God calls us to have no other gods above Him. If I spend more time eating than I do praying or teaching my children about Him, have I allowed food to replace God? The first 21 years of my life went swimmingly! I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever, and as much as I dared. My body handled it. Then came children. Yes I know it sounds so cliche. "I had kids and that is why I am fat" I am NOT saying that. I am saying, pregnancy changed the mechanics of my body. And instead of aligning my habits with that change, I simply ignored it and pressed on. After gaining about 100 lbs the year after having Sera I found myself pregnant with Grace weighing 240 lbs. Then it just went from there.
The question that bugs me the most is....am I any better than my alcoholic, drug addicted biological mother? I am addicted to food. My addiction to food has the EXACT same effect on my children as my biologicals mothers addiction to alcohol and drugs did on me. What makes me different I suppose is if I change it or not. So today I printed out my weight in big print. I wrote things all around the "309" that I have worth living for. Because after all, I could die from being overweight. I hung one from my pantry ceiling. It's gonna smack me in the face everytime I open the door. The other is on the fridge. Next time I eat a cupcake or ice cream or burger I might as well look my children in the eye and say "You aren't worth me sticking around for". Yes, some of you will say "Oh, don't be so hard on yourself"....well I don't need, deserve, or want those comments. I need the friends that say "HEY FATTY....get it together!" So, here's to me getting it together.
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